“So anyway as I was saying remember that guy I told you about the dj? Yeah so I get home on Saturday totally pissed and he messages me to come over. So I like shave my ankles, put more make up on, change my bra all the usual stuff right but I really need to go for a shit.” Girl one pauses to light her cigarette as girl two scrolls away on her phone next to her “I'd had some coke earlier off that girl Anya you know the one with the fringe and weird nose anyway it's not happening so I figure it can wait until morning and get an uber to his house, which by the way is disgusting.”
“Oh my god Anya is such a mess, super friendly with her coke though” adds girl two still hunched over her phone screen “so did you get with the guy?”
“Well we started like getting into it you know and then I really had to go so I went to his bathroom, cushioned the toilet, cracked the window all the safety procedures are locked down and then there was no fucking loo roll. Seriously I had to wipe my arse with that cardboard thing it comes on” Girl two looks up at this “You're joking really? Did he know?”
“Well I was so not risking that literal shit show so I just gave him a blow job instead”.
Girl two shrugs “yeah fair enough, are you going to see him again?”
“I don't think so he did this thing with his dick where he knelt over me and like lowered it into my mouth like his was fishing or something... and he had a weird accent. So not cool”.
Girl one checks her make up in her phone screen “I need a new lipstick for next week, I want something that's not too slutty but not too like blah either”
Girl two jerks her head up quickly and grabs girl one by the arm “oh shit did you hear about that total weirdo wanking off in the chemist the other day?” she looks at girl one, her mouth hanging open waiting for a satisfactory reaction “I can't believe you don't know, so that girl Erica, Erin whatever her name is the one who always wears her hair in those stupid buns... right well she got caught stealing lipstick in Murray's chemist last week and ok so this is what Ben's friend Sam said happened. She was shoving a lipstick in her knickers and the manager saw her so he goes over and starts screaming in her face like totally loosing it and then she starts rubbing herself, like full on slapping the banjo and he's backing away with his hands up like she's armed or some shit and then it gets really weird. The walls start shaking and stuff is just falling off the shelves, like shampoo and fanny pads everywhere. The lights are flickering on and off and everyone's shouting and crying thinking it's an earthquake and she's still fucking going at it and then apparently she made this whimpering noise like she's in pain or something and then there's this really loud sucking sound and BANG she just disappears into thin air. She literally fucked herself through time and space.”
Girl two takes the cig out of girl one's hand and looks again at the bus timetable. Girl one sits down on the bench and leans back against the fake glass “well it sounds like I've been doing it wrong.” Both girls laugh loudly and lock their phone screens as the bus turns the corner towards them “Are you coming to Danny's party on Friday?” Girl one jumps up and joins the queue to get on “yeah what do you think the new lipstick is for! His bitch of a sister better not be there she is always trying to get out that fucking kareoke machine like she's Taylor Swift or some shit” girl two sniggers “dude that's so harsh isn't she like 12”.